I Lost my Job… for Being LGBTQ+

Yup…

It is exactly as it says.

Yesterday, Huntington University forced my resignation because of my sexuality. Is this allowed? I have absolutely no idea. First, let me explain the scenario from start to finish.

I took this picture after crying a full hour when the news was given to me. I want to remember this.

On Monday, I received a text from my boss saying that they wanted to touch base about a couple of things before we got into the semester. I was already concerned, considering that during the past year, the school had also canceled their free online mental health services contract and denied students paid single-rooming less than 1 month before the move-in date because they had accepted more students than they had planned to house. I was not nearly prepared enough to accept the news that was going to be delivered to me that day.

The position I lost was titled ‘Sojourner’. Sojourners are “committed to abiding where they are right now – in the middle of the messiness of day-to-day life, spiritual development, and personal growth on campus. They are here to listen and to speak into the lives of their peers, working closely with the Center for Spiritual Formation and Intercultural Enrichment to come alongside others in their Christian walk” (Huntington.edu). I had already served a full year of my schooling as a Sojourner last year (2021-2022) and did things like planning floor chapels, mentoring students in their faith journey, creating a space in my room and during events for open conversation about faith, supporting/praying for my floor and individuals, and planning/leading campus-wide chapel events. I loved this job so much, because it not only gave me the opportunity to push myself, and grow my own faith, but it also pushed me to walk alongside others in their journey, look past differences between others and myself to better understand and serve each other, and explore God’s purpose for us by discussing scriptures, praying, and digesting past, present, and future goals for our lives. As an LGBTQ+ Christian, it was nice to feel welcomed in my faith journey by my Boss, and fellow sojourners. I got to do training with them, lead events with them, and discuss the hills and valleys of my year with them. Even if we did not share the exact same theology, everyone showed initiative to make me feel like my relationship with Christ is important, and my ability to guide people toward Jesus is valuable and beneficial for my campus community. I felt that they all believed in me and trusted that the work I was doing in that role was done to help my peers walk in faith with someone who does not have all the answers and wants to have a strong relationship with God.

I scheduled an alarm for Wednesday morning (8/17/22) at 10 a.m. to talk with my supervisor. I was so excited to chat with them, considering all the amazing support and love that they shared with me and the whole team as we navigated our faith journeys as college students together. My supervisor asked me how my summer was, and I was thrilled to talk about how good my mental health was, how incredible my internship experience had been, and how much fun I had with friends, family, playing volleyball, weddings, volleyball nationals, zoo trips, Panda Express runs, Miss Fort Wayne, Fort Wayne Pride, and all the memories in between (I did not mention all of this). After discussing that for a little bit, they sighed and claimed to have difficult news.

During the summer, someone submitted screenshots of my Instagram. Specifically, they turned in my post about Fort Wayne Pride – pictured right:

This student expressed concern about having someone who is LGBTQ+ in a position of faith-based leadership on campus. What makes this sting a little more as well, is knowing that at one point, I accepted this person’s follow request, and now they believed I am endangering the souls of students. My supervisor explained the different scenarios that could happen.

1.) I could choose to receive a lecture from the other two people in the spiritual life office about the UB Church Guidelines regarding sexuality, and take down any LGBTQ+ related posts, and continue my position as a Sojourner.

2.) I could resign, whether immediately or after moving into school and thinking on the decision.

3.) I could try to push back and keep my posts, but in the end, get fired.

The only two options in my mind were either choice 2 or 3. There are many reasons for this.

For one, there is no way that I would be willing to put myself in a seat of shame, while people who do not understand what it is like to be LGBTQ+ in this world lecture me about theology I have already explored and disagreed with. Brene Brown describes guilt as the feeling of ‘I did something wrong’ while describing shame as the feeling of ‘I am something wrong’. For so long, I had been so secretive about my sexuality for fear of judgment, mistreatment, hate, violence, and scenarios exactly like this one. The things I was saying to myself in my mind still linger to this day… things like:

• Why even try if I am going to Hell anyway?
• You are incapable of making a positive difference because of who you are.
• If God does not love or approve of who I am, why should anybody else?

For anyone who understands the struggle of shaming yourself, and convincing yourself that you are worthless or unloved, I know you can feel my pain. These wounds sink deeper than any aching imaginable in my eyes. Sitting in that chair, and receiving a lecture that who I am is not, will not, and cannot ever be enough in God’s eyes was not an option for me. After all the work I had done throughout my college years, I refuse to roll over and allow someone to pigeonhole me into a box in which I know I do not belong. I would not allow myself to let people insert their toxic thoughts and theology (whether their own or the schools) into the raging battle for worthiness that goes on in my mind every day. Even though I valued this position greatly, and took the responsibilities very seriously, option 1 WAS NOT an option. Period.

I highly considered the third option. I really wanted to push back, considering that the only reason they showed concern for keeping me employed was that I am gay. My supervisor explained to me during the facetime that their concern was that if someone on my floor came up to me, and they were questioning their sexuality, I would point them down the ‘unholy’ path, and affirm their sexuality. This assumption infuriated me because of the bias and ignorance that leads to making this statement. Just because I am LGBTQ+, that does not mean I would affirm or persuade someone questioning their sexuality to be gay! Like… what???

As a person of faith who has done a lot of work, and had strenuous conversations with God, I would never push someone down a path they are uncertain of or unwilling to take. In that scenario, my advice would be to journal and converse with God. My journey has been difficult, but I undoubtedly believe in the signs and guidance God has given me that ultimately led me to decide to come out just over a year ago. I could not imagine my journey without Jesus in the midst of it. Jesus was with me through the depressive spills, the moments of anxiety, the uncertainty and strife, and the growth through it all. For questioning LGBTQ+ Christians, I encourage you to find God. Ask for signs, write out difficult questions, do the research and explore theology. What better way to grow your faith than to trust God, and give up your own power? And to those who are questioning and are not Christian or faith-based, I cannot convince you of your sexuality. That is your journey, and your opportunity to explore yourself, who you are, what you believe, and what you want in life. My advice is to not go through anything alone. Be transparent and vulnerable with your emotions with who you trust and care about.

Rather than discussing with me my beliefs and reactions (after all, I could be a celibate gay Christian, but they did ask), they decided to assume that I would tell people to be queer. I am absolutely open to having a conversation with the other supervisors that made this assumption, but I was not willing to take a job and compromise/change who I am in order to make others comfortable. If people are uncomfortable or concerned with me or my abilities, then I believe they should probably take a look at their own lives and might have work to do to be confident in their story.

I ended up pursuing option 2 – sending an email of resignation to my supportive supervisor the day I received the news. It was a difficult decision, considering how much I wanted to push back and explain myself. The thing is, I realized that for some people, you cannot convince them of your worth and value. I had already served a full year in that position before, worked alongside supportive teammates, and even received the Servant Leadership Award from the school, which I was elected to receive because of my work as a Sojourner and leader on Huntington University’s campus. I was extremely disappointed and dishearted at how the situation was handled by the two opposing supervisors. I can recognize and understand where their concern is coming from, and acknowledge as a growing person of faith that we are all a failed humanity and we all share differentiating beliefs and points of view, even within the realm of Christianity. I understand the reasoning behind wanting me to take down posts on my social media, and hide and/or filter out what I say or who I am in order to cater to the beliefs of a specified doctrine. I am not discouraged by the beliefs or the reasoning behind them, but rather by the inability to communicate with me, the lack of respect towards people of all types of faith, and ignorance shown in the little effort to understand who I am, and what I have brought to the table as a past Sojourner. 

Overall, this is not something I have taken lightly. I have valued my time as a Sojourner and took the position very seriously. I realize that it is an opportunity to point people towards Christ no matter what the circumstance is. I am very saddened that I have been pushed to make this decision by people with whom I share my same Savior and passion for Jesus. I have chosen to speak out against this action that the school has taken against me, and I will always encourage having conversations and building bridges over assumptions and criticism.

This situation has truly opened my eyes to the complexities of this world. There is so much fear and judgment towards LGBTQ+ people that is rooted so deep in our society, churches, and institutions. I would not change my time at Huntington. I have met so many incredible people, been involved in so many amazing things, and my faith has grown so much during my time here. This situation has only strengthened my desire to continue to build relationships, especially with those who see/believe differently than myself. I believe with all of my heart that we were put on this planet to be in relationship with one another, and despite losing my job as a Sojourner because of my sexuality, I will continue to focus on the opportunities God provides me to walk with others in their faith journey and to sit with people who need a space to be broken, yet invaluable in the eyes of God!

– Kyler B. 08/18/2022

Bourne for Belonging

For years, I have been writing and writing: Writing in my head different future scenarios, reliving past experiences and traumas, and processing different information that comes with everyday life. I have also written in journals or on running documents to release emotional tension. The thing is, there is always something to write about. Throughout my life so far, I feel like I have been constantly trying to understand everything, especially the writings within us. We all can recognize that constant voice in our minds talking us through everything. Whether your experience with that voice has been good or bad, I have been attempting to comprehend what that voice means and what it is trying to say and why. Brene Brown, my favorite author and researcher/professor at the University of Texas says that “Owning our story can be hard, but not nearly as difficult spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerability is risky, but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy – the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”

I mention this quote because I believe that owning my story and understanding its value has brought a level of depth to my life experience. I have authors like Brene Brown, Elijah Lynn Davidson, Amber Cantorna, Oprah Winfrey, Jason Baldoni, Justin Lee and others to thank for expanding my mind and opening my eyes to the vast landscape of human emotion and experience. I feel like I can confidently state what I believe and why (in my faith), understand my political views and what has shaped them, and empathize with people who’s story may be vastly different than mine, only because I am trying my best to understand the writing. By no means am I a perfect individual, if anything I am one of the farthest from it. But allowing myself to understand and feel things that all humans feel has given me the opportunity to live my life to the fullest, despite how messy it can get.

Why write a blog? Why not just continue to journal and document? What is there to gain from blogging? Well here is the thing, I have always wanted to be able to share my thoughts with the world, but I could never figure out the best way to do so. A book could have been great, but I would not be able to apply a structural flow to the events of my life. YouTube is fun, but then there is editing and maintaining a social image, both of which I am unable to make time and space for in my life at the moment. I could not continue to journal, because it limited my audience. I think we are all capable of learning from ourselves, but I still want to be able to learn from other people’s thoughts and possibly connect with other people through our shared life experiences. After all, I do believe we are all seeking for love and belonging, and it is a desire we are all born with.

So with all of this in mind, hi, my name is Kyler Bourne. Growing up, being gay was the number one cause of all the negative writing I did, both internally and externally. I thought that being gay disqualified me from being able to contribute to the world and make a difference. I saw it as a one-way ticket confession to Hell and lifelong strife on this planet. It has caused me to live a majority of my life in fear of judgement and pain, with anxiety constantly whispering into my ear that I will never be normal. I am still learning how to be comfortable in my skin, but I like to think that my past self is very proud of the effort I have made to understand who I am through researching learning, digesting, and growing.

The positive writing in my life has come from those who have made me feel connected, loved, and seen in this world. My siblings have comforted me and listened when I needed them most. My best friend, Cydney (love her to death), has been by my side through some painful yet beautiful learning through college. Being in leadership roles in which people have said to me, “the work you are doing is incredible and you are making a difference in peoples’ lives” has allowed me to feel like I am capable of making a positive impact. One of my biggest goals in my life is to make sure the people I come in contact with feel connected, loved, and seen in this world. We are all given a different hand of cards in life, but I believe the beauty in life comes from realizing that we all share the same deck.

I thought that I could get through life alone, after all, how many gay people of faith are out there? How many of them struggle with feeling like they will never find a lifelong partner, are surrounded by those who believe they are sin, and who are constantly writing, wondering if anyone could even begin to understand the intricate stories that fill the pages? The best moments in my life, were moments where I felt like I belonged, and the fact of the matter is, all types of people have been able to make me feel that way. Through my understanding of my emotions and experiences, I have found a sense of belonging with not only other people, but within myself.

This blog will never be able to capture all of the in-depth details of everything that I am, but I am hoping that through my experiences, thoughts, beliefs, research, and understanding of life, another person may be able to read and feel connected through our similar desire to belong.

Let’s Belong – Hi, I’m Kyler Bourne

Hello there, my name is Kyler Bourne. I am a senior Marketing and Management major at Huntington University in Indiana. I am gay, and I am a Christian. I love people, and yet I might be an introvert. I am an enneagram 2w3 (The Helper), and I absolutely love deep conversations, disney movies, and the sport of volleyball. I struggle with anxiety and confidence sometimes, but I have also experienced awe and wonder. My whole life I have been thinking, journaling, typing, and talking, trying to understand why I am who I am, what makes me this way, and wondering what will change. Throughout all the journal entries, in-depth prayers, and meaningful conversations I have had, one thing has remained in common, belonging

Why is belonging relevant?

• “True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.” – Brene Brown
• We all want to feel belonging in our lives, but can sometimes feel like we do not deserve it, or will never find it.

My goal is to blog about my everyday experiences that shape my understanding of life, emotion, and experience. Through this, I hope that anyone can find some sort of connection or relatability to who I am, and why I think/feel/believe the way I do. After all, I think nobody should have to go through life alone.

I am hoping to explore things in my life relevant to the past, present, and future. I want to be able to ask myself questions to better understand my meaning and purpose in life…

• Why do I feel this way about this thing?
• How are my emotions shaping my actions and reactions?
• Do people experience the same emotion and feelings as me, even if their experience is different?
• How does my faith impact my actions and reactions?
• When do I try to turn off my emotions and why?
• How do my emotions and reactions affect others?
• What are others’ emotions and why should I consider them?
• Can I disagree, but still relate?

I am super excited to write, and I am super excited to read. Life is a continuous learning process, and I am eager to see how through exploring my life events, emotions, experiences, I am able to become a better human being, and better accomplish my goal of helping others feel seen, heard, and valued.